I can’t even cry anymore. I scream, I curse, I yell, I throw, I punch, wring my hair, slam my head. Nothing. Nothing helps. I don’t get upset anymore, I just get angry. I need release, and I can’t get it. I don’t know why it’s affecting me so much. Maybe because I knew it was going to happen before it did, because I knew I was helpless to stop it. I don’t have what I want, and I can never seem to get what I want. I’m just a hapless rider.

I’ve become so jaded, so full of hatred over the past 2 years, I don’t know what to do. I’m not who I used to be, I’m not who I want to be. In my efforts to make myself less of a weakling, I’ve slowly been destroying one of my traits that I treasured the most: my compassion.

And I’m sorry. Especially for the things I said, I’m just so full of anger that I don’t know what to do. From the bottom of my being, I am sorry.

This is simply my…. “airing of grievances,” if you will. I’ve been put through a lot more than I’ve realized over the past 2 years, and something that happened today became the straw that broke the camel’s back. I don’t like what I’ve become, and I want to change. Please note that this is specifically addressed towards one person, but can be read and understood by anyone.